Kioku
by Kode Dekka
Summary: A past mistake. Sinful feelings; regret, misery. Nanoha, unable to let go of the past, finds her present being threatened. With the distance between friends crumbling, Nanoha hopes to find true happiness among her memories. Rated T. NanoFate.
1. Memories

_A/N: I'm back again with another story, and so quickly. The idea came to me while watching Rideback, or rather, the ED theme for Rideback. That song, "Kioku" by Younha is quite lovely, as are the lyrics. Anyway, another alternate universe story, with no magic. I've found that I'm best at these types, since all I've been doing is Nanoha fics lately. I'm rambling here, so I'll let you get to it, enjoy. _

_- Kode-Dekka  
_

* * *

Kioku

Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha

Kode-Dekka

Chapter 1: Memories

* * *

Nanoha stood outside on the balcony and breathed out a sigh from her lips. Curling her fingers around the balcony railing, she sighed again, and gazed up at the full moon. For a moment, she looked back inside her home, catching a glimpse of a brown-haired man with glasses. He smiled and waved at her, she smiled back at him, and then returned her attention to the waiting moon.

"Even though he's smiling..." She softly whispered, a flash of blond went through her head. "I realize I'm thinking of you..." A feeling of shame filled her heart, and her cheeks flushed. More flashes of blond ran through her head. An image of soft white skin, long hair, gentle lips, of beautiful red eyes. Warmth spread in her body, but the accompanying shame and regret only made the feeling painful.

Nanoha shook her head, chasing away the image, as well as the memories that tried to invade. She had a good husband, a beautiful home, a great job, and even greater friends; there was no need to think of the old times, especially not of the memories with Fate Testarossa, the beautiful blond that threatened her peace.

The door behind her slid open, and a pair of arms wrapped around her waist. "Its getting cold, you should come inside." Her husband Yuuno said, bringing his lips close to her ear, whispering it.

"Okay." The two of them went back inside. Before closing the sliding door, Nanoha took one last look at the moon. _What should I do, about these memories? These feelings?_

It was probably her imagination, but she felt like the moon was laughing back at her.

* * *

It was two years ago, on the night of the new moon, in the the middle of a chilly Winter. Nanoha had just finished working a long shift at her family's cafe, the "Midoriya" cafe, located right in the middle of the busy city.

She was just cleaning up, when a blond girl came through the doors, holding a small bag in her hand. The woman smiled brightly, calling her name. Nanoha, excited to see her, sprinted in her direction, jumping, wrapping her with an embrace.

"Why didn't you tell me you were back?" She said, not knowing whether to continue hugging the blond, or slap her for not saying anything.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, and it seemed I got my wish."

"Mou, silly Fate-chan." Fate and Nanoha held each other like never before, the blond had been in America, so they haven't seen each other for a good long year. Fate ruffled her hair, and then patted her head.

"You've grown, Nanoha."

"Nyahahaha~, maybe you've just gotten taller, Fate-chan."

This was nice. This was perfect. This moment was better than any that Nanoha had experienced all year.

So why did it have to be ruined so splendidly?

Nanoha's phone started to ring, she was forced to let go of her friend and answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey, Nanoha." It was Yuuno, her boyfriend. Nanoha excused herself from Fate, smiling at the man's voice.

"Yuuno-kun, did you just get off work?"

"Yeah, actually, I'm on my way to see you."

"Oh, I see..." Nanoha flashed a quick glance to Fate, whom looked like she was only pretending to be calm. Nanoha knew that she didn't like Yuuno very much, that's why she told a lie. "Sorry Yuuno-kun, something just came up."

"Ah, I see. Okay, we'll talk tomorrow."

"Yup, goodbye."

"Bye, I love you." Nanoha looked again at Fate and hesitated, pulling the phone closer to her lips.

"I love you too..." She whispered into it, hoping that her friend didn't hear. She hung up and put her phone away, turning her attention back to Fate. "Sorry about that, Fate-chan."

Fate's eyes became regretful. "You didn't have to do that, we can see each other anytime."

"But today is special, since I haven't seen you for so long." Fate's cheeks turned a little pink, which Nanoha found to be very cute. "Now, shall we go out and get something to eat?"

"Sure."

The two of them left the cafe. Since they were both short on money, they settled on a simple burger and fries for dinner, though Nanoha would have rather had something special for this day, but it couldn't be helped.

Afterward, they went back to Nanoha's apartment. It was small, with very little stuff filling it, but it was home. She was twenty-three, and was working a simple government job, she didn't need an extravagant house yet.

While Nanoha prepared tea in the kitchen, Fate flopped down on her couch, resting her head back. She closed her eyes and sighed happily.

Coming back with hot tea, Nanoha set it down and took a seat beside the blond. "Come on, no falling asleep on me now." She poked her cheek, and Fate laughed.

"Don't worry, its just been a while since I've been here, I want to take it all in." Nanoha smiled warmly, resting her head against her shoulder. "Nanoha...?"

"I'm just glad to have you back, I really missed you." Fate wrapped an arm around Nanoha, pulling her in closer.

"I miss you too, Nanoha." The two of them were silent, not saying a word. Just because they weren't saying anything, it didn't mean that nothing was happening. Nanoha noticed, how soft Fate's fingers were against her arms, how warm her body was. Nanoha's cheeks became hot, her thoughts were starting to run away from her. _Stupid, don't think about it._ But she could do nothing but think about it, the way Fate's fingers caressed her, the way her heart was beating a mile a minute; it was all she could think about. And just when she thought her heart might explode, Nanoha felt Fate move.

"Nanoha." Fate's voice started her.

"W-What is it?" She stuttered a reply.

"I'm sorry..." The tone of her voice was strange, but Nanoha would be given no more time to think about it. She was being pushed down by Fate all of a sudden, who climbed on her, pinning her arms. "I'm sorry, I can't hold back anymore. Even if you love someone else, I still..." The intensity of the blond's eyes was scary, but somehow, Nanoha felt like it was alright. "Nanoha..."

Fate leaned down, and their lips touched. Her grip tightened over Nanoha's arms, and her kiss became more forceful, more invading.

Nanoha couldn't think straight. Her best friend was practically raping her, so she should have resisted, and yet she couldn't muster the strength to do so.

"_Isn't this what you've always wanted?"_ A voice in her head said to her. To be held down like this, to be taken by Fate, to have her body seized by Fate; was that really what she wanted? Nanoha wasn't sure, her mind wasn't working right, she didn't know what she wanted.

No... that was wrong. She knew exactly what she wanted, she just didn't want to acknowledge it. Even though she was with Yuuno, even though she loved him, she also loved Fate, she wanted Fate. But she didn't want it like this. Fate was crying as they kissed, that's not what Nanoha wanted at all.

So finally, she found the strength, and broke free from her grip, pushing her away. Fate looked like she was about to fall apart. Her voice cracked and failed her, she couldn't even apologize properly. But that was okay, Nanoha didn't want an apology from her.

Gently, softly, she caressed the blond's face with her hand, and smiled. Using her other hand, she wiped away the girl's tears. "Just as I thought, you look more beautiful when you aren't crying, Fate-chan." Nanoha knew she was making a big mistake, one she wouldn't be able to take back. But she couldn't hold back either anymore. "Smile, okay?" Fate, not knowing what else to do, weakly smiled.

"Nano-" Nanoha put a finger against her lips.

"Don't say anything else. I understand, I feel the same way, so please don't say anything. Just kiss me."

Not wasting any more time, the two of them kissed again. This time, there was no force, the need for it had long passed.

That night, Nanoha made love with Fate, defiling her relationship with Yuuno. At the time she didn't care, she was able to push those thoughts away. But afterward, the guilt eventually consumed her...

* * *

As Nanoha laid in bed with Yuuno, the two of them naked, she thought about that night two years ago. After that day, she started a brief relationship with Fate behind Yuuno's back. The entire time, she was racked by feelings of guilt, having betrayed someone who was always by her side.

Eventually, she couldn't take it anymore, especially after Yuuno proposed to her. She broke off the fling with Fate, who was devastated, but accepted it. She may not like the person Nanoha was with, but she respected her decisions. The two were still friends, but that awful secret made a wall between them; it was very likely, they could never go back to the way they were before.

And now, Yuuno and Nanoha were married, living in a wonderful condo. She still worked the same job, but for now, she was content with her life.

Except for one thing. From time to time, she would think of that night, even more so lately. If it wasn't for those memories, and for those feelings, she would be living the perfect life.

Still, even as she thought that, Nanoha closed her eyes, thinking of a lovely blond woman, and pressed her fingers to her lips.


	2. Feelings

_A/N: Another update. This story really doesn't have any direction, so I'm mostly writing off the top of my head as the ideas come. Anyway, my method of writing shouldn't cause too many problems, and I will try to remain as consistent as possible. That said, I have no idea how long this story will be, or how it will end. I'm guessing it will go on for at least 3 more chapters if possible. I also have a few endings in mind, some happy, some sad, I'm not sure which one I want to go with yet. _

_On the topic of stories, I seem to be running out of steam. I keep pumping out idea after idea, and just when I think there aren't any more, they keep coming up, its tiring. Its easy to say "just stop writing for a while then", but I feel an almost obsessive compulsion to write whenever possible. Anyway, as it stands, I already have another story in mind. I'll begin planning as I write this, and once I'm finished this story, I'll move on to that. This story will be very different than everything else I've done. It will be another alternate world, and will focus a lot of romance and slice of life stuff, rather than dark drama, though it will have some of that too :). Since I don't know many details about the story yet myself, I don't want to give too much away and raise expectations. _

_Anyway this turned out really long, you're probably a bit bored, or maybe you've already started reading the chapter, shame on you ;). But alas, I shall let you get to it. Prepare yourself, this one is a dozy, also, Fate is something else. Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate it. Happy reading. _

_- Kode-Dekka  
_

* * *

Kioku

Chapter 2: Feelings

* * *

Nanoha felt a little dizzy as she woke up. Her head was spinning, her vision was blurry, and she felt like the world was going around in circles. Pressing a hand against her forehead, which had just now started to hurt, she sat up in her bed. Yuuno was already gone off to work, so she was all alone.

Her heart ached a little. She had another dream, of that night, where she gave into temptation. _Its all your fault..._ She said to herself, referring to Fate. Her heart continued its aching. She didn't like this feeling at all, it was painful. It happened whenever she thought of that blond woman, and then her thoughts would go fuzzy afterward. _Stupid Fate-chan..._ She mumbled under her breath, and finally got out of bed.

It was still early, but she had to go to work. She got dressed, her body still feeling light and woozy. She didn't even bother showering, she just couldn't find it in her to care this morning. Yawning, Nanoha slipped out of her room and into the kitchen.

A note was posted on the fridge. _"I'll be late getting home, so don't wait up, Yuuno." _She tore down the note, crumpling it up and tossing it in the garbage. She had been hungry before, but lost her appetite all of a sudden. She went to the living room and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV. There wasn't anything interesting on at all, and she just shut it off, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Nanoha felt lonely. Last night, Yuuno's arms around her waist, his lips on hers, that was nothing more than a fleeting dream, much like the ones she had of Fate. More often than not, he was at work, and would come home late. That wasn't his fault, she knew that she couldn't blame him for that; still, her heart yearned for someone's touch.

_Stop it. _Her mind was ordering her heart to quiet down. It ached in response, continuing to yearn for someone's touch, for a _certain_ someone's touch. _Stop, please stop..._ Finally, just as she was about to break down into tears, the heat in her body cooled, and her heart slowed its beat.

Nanoha laid down on the couch, closing her eyes, hugging her knees to her chest. She was scared, of her heart, of the feelings that lie dormant in there. She loved Yuuno; even if he didn't touch her as much anymore, even if his presence in the house was shrinking, she still loved him, and she didn't want to stray again. That's why she had to stop this, she needed to erase Fate from her heart, at least the part that also loved her.

Nanoha broke the quiet in the room and laughed softly, chuckling to herself, laughing at herself. _Who am I kidding?_ She knew it was impossible. There was no way that she could forget Fate, forget her touch, her kiss, the blond's bare skin against her own, absolutely no way. It wasn't just because her feelings were so strong either.

They both worked in the same government building, for the same agency. They saw each other all the time, they greeted each other, ate with each other, spoke with each other every single day. As long as Fate was in her life, Nanoha knew that she would never be able to rid herself of the feelings that she held inside her heart. But, she also knew that if she didn't do something about them, then she would stray again, she would go down that dark path of betrayal again.

Nanoha continued to lay there, being torn by her emotions. She didn't notice how fast time was moving while she laid still. By the time she realized it, she was already late for work.

* * *

"Good morning, Nanoha." Fate greeted her with a cheerful smile, just like always.

"Good morning, Fate-chan." The blond looked at Nanoha inquisitively when she noticed that she wasn't smiling back.

"Is something wrong? You look tired." The brunet wiped at her eyes, pinching her cheeks, and finally smiled.

"I'm fine, see?"

"Good, because we have a ton of work to do."

"Roger."

Nanoha followed Fate as she walked. They had separate offices, though they happened to be right next to each other. The whole time, Nanoha remained quiet, doing her best not to look at Fate. She didn't want the feelings to well up in her again, so she avoided it the only way she knew how.

"I'll see ya at lunch, Nanoha." Fate said when they reached their respective offices.

"Yeah..." Nanoha responded, not making eye contact. There was a silence between them, it didn't feel good, it was awkward; still neither said a word, and she continued to look at the floor.

Finally, Fate left, going into her office, and shutting the door a little harder than usual. Nanoha stared at the door, feeling horrible. _Stupid Nanoha, stupid stupid stupid..._ She was sure of it, Fate was hurt by her actions. She should have expected that kind of result, she knew she would feel the same way if her best friend avoided looking at her, and didn't tell her why.

Disappointed with herself on how she handled her situation, Nanoha sighed, and entered her office, shutting the door softly.

* * *

Lunch was extremely quiet. Nanoha and Fate ate together like always, but didn't say a word, not that the blond didn't try. Whenever she said something, Nanoha only responded with one word answers, and continued to avoid her gaze; eventually, conversion stopped altogether.

_Why am I doing this to her?_ Nanoha wondered. She thought about ti carefully. Before today, she was usually fine with Fate, with everything, what had changed? _Think Nanoha, think..._ She got the gears in her brain working, and finally found the solution.

It was that dream, her memories, her feelings. The dreams were becoming more frequent, and now she was remember that day more and more. _I see, so that's it..._ Her feelings for Fate, they were growing, despite all her efforts to stop that. Realizing this, Nanoha felt a little more at peace. She hated herself right now, but she finally was able to work everything out in her head.

"I have to get back to work..." Fate said suddenly, and got up. Nanoha didn't stop her, she wanted to figure out what to do before she did that. Looking down at her and getting no response, the blond sighed, leaving the table and walking away.

_I'm sorry, Fate-chan, just a little longer..._ She would do something when they got off work, anything to fix this situation. But for now, she was going to eat her lunch all alone.

"Yahoo~, Nanoha-chan!" Or so she thought. Her supervisor, Hayate Yagami, leaned her body against Nanoha's, watching Fate walk away.

"Hello Hayate-chan."

"Shouldn't it be 'boss'?" Hayate joked, obviously not being serious.

"Whatever." Nanoha wasn't in the mood. She wanted to figure something out quickly, so that she didn't hurt her friend further.

"Did you and Fate-chan get into a fight? The last time I heard so little conversation was from a silent film." She sighed, pulling away from Hayate, who whined, and took a seat next to her.

"Its not a fight, rather the problem is that I'm trying to avoid a confrontation in the first place."

"Ah, I see." But Hayate didn't see anything, as she was never told of their little fling, that was still a secret that was kept to this day. "Well whatever, you'll figure it out." Hayate patted her on the back, excusing herself.

Nanoha was all alone again. She no longer felt hungry, and just stopped eating. There was only one thing she could think of, only a single thing that she thought might remedy the situation.

Nanoha was finally going to be honest, about everything.

* * *

After work, Nanoha left the building quickly, waiting for Fate outside in the cold. She stood by her car, breathing hot air on her hands to keep them warm, waiting for the moment to come. _What am I going to do?_ She thought, trying to pull herself together.

She had to do it right, and clearly tell Fate her feelings, but also be firm about them being friends. Even if they like each other, or love each other for that matter, they couldn't be together. Once she made this clear, they should both be able to move on. That's what Nanoha wanted to believe, from the bottom of heart.

"Nanoha?" Fate's voice made her search, and she found the woman looking at her. All of her previous thoughts went out the window, and now the feeling was welling up in her again.

"H-Hey Fate-chan." She gave Fate a little wave and a smile, doing her best to hold back everything that was going on inside her.

"What are you doing? Its freezing out here, why didn't you go home?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you, is that alright?" Fate, bewildered, nodded.

"Do you want to come back to my place?" Nanoha knew that she shouldn't. Being in a secluded place with this person, there's no telling what would happen.

"Okay." However, she couldn't do anything against her body, which seemed to move against her will.

The two of them got in the car, and drove off. There still wasn't much conversation. Nanoha could see that Fate wanted to ask what was going on, but didn't force it, to which she was grateful. Her mind was going crazy, she didn't know if she would be able to keep control of herself like this; and for a second, she wanted to call the whole thing off. _No, I have to do this, for Fate-chan's sake._

And so the silent car ride continued.

* * *

Fate set a cup of hot tea down in front of Nanoha, sitting beside her, their bodies nearly touching. It was exactly like that night, except the location has changed a little. She was nervous, it was hard to keep her thoughts straight now that she was thinking about her foolish actions.

"So," Fate said, looking right into Nanoha's eyes, "What did you want to talk to me about?" Even though it was hard, she maintained contact.

"I wanted to apologize for the way I acted today, you didn't do anything to deserve getting the silent treatment. I'm sorry, Fate-chan." Fate's cheek became warm and red, and she scratched it, embarrassed.

"You don't have to do that. I mean, its fine, we all have bad days." Nanoha shook her head.

"Its much more than that, so please listen to me."

"Alright." Nanoha stilled the rapid beating of her heart, took in a deep breath, and cleared her head before jumping right into it.

"Fate-chan, I love you." Fate's face completely turned red, and she backed away a little.

"Ah... Nanoha, that's..."

"Its okay Fate-chan, just listen." Nanoha took in another breath, now was the hard part. "I love you, but we can't be together; even though you want us to, even though I... We're friends, that's the way it has to be."

Fate's demeanor changed completely. Now she was slouched and her head pointed a little to the ground.

"I see, so you finally came to end it, Nanoha."

"Yes, lets both move on, and just be friends, Fate-chan." Nanoha knew that Fate was hurting now, she was hurting to. She leaned in, attempting to touch her friend, maybe give her a hug.

"Heh..." Fate swiftly moved, pushing Nanoha down, pinning her arms, looking down at her with intense eyes. She felt a sense of _Déjà vu_, and then became aware why.

"Fate-chan, don't do this..." The blond's grip only tightened, and now it was starting to hurt.

"I've loved you ever since we were children. Always, always, it always had to be you, Nanoha." Fate moved her face it, putting it inches away from Nanoha's. "And then here comes Yuuno, like a knight in shining armor, to take you away from me." The intense look in Fate's eyes became even more so, heated by her rage.

"Fate-chan, stop, it hurts..." Nanoha weakly responded, her arms starting to feel like they would go numb. However, her friend wasn't listening, and made her grip even tighter.

"Why do you have to toy around with me like this, Nanoha? First you break my heart by going out with Yuuno, and then you accept my feelings, only to throw them back in my face. And here we are right now, you trying to do it again. Do you enjoy tormenting me? Is this just a joke to you!"

Nanoha wanted to say something, but the feeling of Fate's tears hitting her face stopped her. And then, Fate's lips came.

Once again, Fate forced a kiss on Nanoha, who resisted with all her strength, but was able to do nothing at all. _This is bad..._ Her mind was starting to go blank, and the hot feeling in her heart was spreading. But Fate finally pulled away, letting the feeling subside a little.

"I can't do this anymore, Nanoha. I can't keep being your friend, pretending to smile, even though it hurts so much." Her grip on Nanoha's arms loosened, but she still didn't let go.

"Fate-chan, I'm sorry..." Tears had sprouted on Nanoha's face as well. "I love Yuuno-kun, I'm his wife, I can't stray anymore. But I don't want to lose you either."

"I know, I know that.. I don't want to lose you, but I can't keep hurting myself like this. Even though I'm the one who loves you the most, even though I'm always by your side. When was the last time Yuuno called you, just to say hello? When was the last time he picked you up from work, or just came to see you? How often does he say that he loves you? How often does he touch you?" Nanoha felt like she was being stabbed in the heart. She told Fate all these things without thinking about it, and now it was being used as a weapon against her.

"That's not fair, Fate-chan."

"You're the one who isn't fair, Nanoha!" And then she kissed Nanoha again, pinning her down once more. "If you are going to keep torturing me like this..." The kissing kept coming. "I'll make you hate me, I'll make you hate me so much that you wont be able to stand it anymore. And then, I'll hate you too, and we can both move on for good."

Fate was considerably stronger than Nanoha, so there was hardly anything she could do. In the first place, she was starting to resist less and less, her body was giving in to the kisses. _No... I can't... I don't want to betray him again..._

Fate released one of Nanoha's arms, and started to fondle her breast. Now the brunet understood, just how far her friend was going to go. _I have to stop her...I have to..._ Fate's touches were like fire against her. The poor resistance that she put up before, was crumbling away. _I... I..._

_...I don't care anymore..._ Nanoha finally let herself think. Fate's touch was starting to feel good, and the feelings in her heart had begun to overpower her. She denied it all for so long, because she didn't want to betray Yuuno again. The guilt she had was horrible, but it was nothing compared to the pain she was causing Fate, and to herself by denying what she had known for so long.

Nanoha gave up, she resigned herself to Fate completely. "Fate-chan." Fate finally stopped assaulting her long enough to look into her eyes. "You win, I can't pretend anymore either. I love you so much, I can't pretend anymore that those feeling don't exist, I can't keep hurting you anymore." Nanoha reached up with the hand that was free, and cupped Fate's cheek. "I'm sorry I hurt you. This time, I'll do things properly, Fate-chan."

"Nanoha..." Overwhelmed by emotion, Fate hugged her, kissing her again. Nanoha returned the affection, holding onto Fate for dear life.

Nanoha's phone started to buzz, but she was too distracted to notice. It was from Yuuno, who had just called for the third time...


	3. Lies

_A/N: Sorry for the delay, I took a little time to plan out the first "season" of my upcoming fic. This chapter was nice, worked out just as I wanted too, and will set up the final chapter, though like my last story there will be a separate chapter that serves as the epilogue. And since I'm getting close to the end, I figure I'll let you in on my next project. I call it "Lyrical Girl's High" (though the title might change if I feel like it). It is essentially a retelling of the first season of Nanoha, but without the magic and in a ordinary world. Of course, it will be set in high school, but I have high hopes that it will stand out from all the other fics. As I hinted before, this is the first season, so there will be two more afterward if all goes well. _

_That said, I can't keep you waiting any longer. Thanks for the reviews and reads, and enjoy yourselves. _

_- Kode-Dekka  
_

* * *

Kioku

Chapter 3: Lies

* * *

I'm a disgusting, disgraceful, terrible person. I loved two people at the same time, I was in a relationship with two people are the same time, I was betraying two people at the same time. Yuuno, my husband, someone who was by my side, who loved me, whom I loved. And Fate, my best friend, a woman who has always been in my life, someone who loved everything about me, no matter how small, someone who would never betray me, no matter how much times I betrayed her.

I was being torn by these two people. I loved them both, I thought of both of them as irreplaceable to me. Yuuno was my husband, he was the person I had made a vow to, he was supposed to be someone I spent the rest of my life with. Fate was my best friend, and yet I had always held deeper feelings for her, just as she did for me. Since we first met, we fell in love, and deepened that love over time.

And then, at one time, I was given a choice between them, and I made the wrong one. In favor of loyalty, to preserve what I had with Yuuno, I denied what was in my heart. And now, I was being tested again, being given the same quiz, with the same question. Who do I chose? But even as I'm being asked that question, I have already given my answer.

Fate Testarossa, the person who was always there, the one who had the most space in my heart. She was my destiny, she was the one I should spend my life with, she was everything to me. This time, I denied my rational thought, and gave in to my heart's desire. Fate was the one I had chosen.

From now on, I was going to do everything properly, I would settle it, once and for all. Even if it hurt me, I was going to do the right thing this time. No matter how many hardships I faced as a result, I wouldn't go back on the choice I've made.

That's right... no matter what, I'll never regret this, ever... Fate-chan.

* * *

Nanoha awoke in what appeared at first glance to be an unfamiliar bed. She was draped with a white sheet, covering her naked body. At first panic and confusing spread throughout her. But soon, hearing the soft breathing next to her, she relaxed, feeling a bit silly.

Memories of the previous night floated around in her head. The warmth of Fate's body, her kisses, everything, the feeling of it all filled her up. She felt warm, and can not remember the last time she felt so fulfilled.

And then, she felt a familiar shame and guilt. She had betrayed her husband once again, defiling her body even further. But unlike before, this would be the last time. She was going to make things clear this time, she was going to follow her true heart this time for sure. This story, Fate and Nanoha's, wasn't over yet, it was just getting started, and she wanted to see it through to the end.

Nanoha, shaking the bad feelings from her, poked Fate's cheek playfully. The blond woman stirred, finally waking up after another poke. "Nano...ha?" She seemed to be just as confused as Nanoha was when she first woke up. Once Fate realized what was going on, she sprung up, taking hold of her lover, squeezing her tightly. "Oh thank God! I thought it was all a dream."

Nanoha smiled, returning the hug. "This is real, I'm real, Fate-chan."

"I'm so happy..." The blond mutter to herself, and Nanoha even thought she heard the sound of a sob. Fate pushed the two of them apart, staring deeply in Nanoha's eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this? What about Yuuno?" Nanoha, thinking about it for a few seconds, reached an answer.

"I'm sure, I've never been more sure of anything before. I love you more than anyone else, you're the one I want to be with. As for Yuuno-kun..." She had to think more about that, and even furrowed her brows. "If I'm going to do this properly, then the best way is to be honest. I'm going to tell him everything." Fate stared at her intensely.

"If you do that, he might not forgive you, are you really okay with that?"

"Yes... I don't expect to be forgiven easily, but I hope he'll at least listen to me and understand my feelings." Fate sighed, laying back down on her back.

"Okay, if you're sure. I'll support you no matter what happens, that's what lovers do, right?" Nanoha nodded, falling on top of her, trying to capture all of the warmth seeping from her skin.

* * *

On the drive to work, Nanoha checked her phone to see if anyone called. Yuuno had, a lot. From last night, to this point in time, he had called 14 times, and left 5 messages. At first she was a little alarmed, and she also felt really stupid. Not once during the night did she call him and say that she was out with Fate. _Of course he'd be worried, stupid Nanoha._

To let him know that she wasn't lying in a ditch somewhere, she sent him a message, saying that she went drinking with Fate, lost track of time, and ended up sleeping at her house. She also apologized for not saying anything, and left it at that. He was an understanding person, and probably wouldn't question it any further. At least she hoped so, just as Fate didn't like him, Yuuno wasn't particularly fond of her either.

While Fate drove them back to the office – where Nanoha's car had been left, neither of them really talked. They didn't know what to say, however conversion wasn't really necessary right now, they had the rest of their lives to talk to each other, once the current problem was resolved.

Thinking about that, Nanoha had no idea what she was going to do. She told Fate that she would confess everything to Yuuno and end it, but she also knew that it was easier said than done. Even though she was with Fate now, she still loved Yuuno deeply, and didn't want to hurt him. But that was all just silly thinking. If she wanted to be with Fate, she was going to have to hurt him, whether she wanted to or not. It was depressing, no matter what she did, she would end up hurting someone she loved, it was a choice she wished didn't need to be made.

Nanoha continued to think those depressing thoughts in silence. Not even the hum of the car, or Fate's cheerful smile could erase the awful sinking feeling that she was having in her heart right now.

* * *

When work was over, the two lovers went their separate ways, heading to their homes. Nanoha agreed to meet Fate after she broke up with Yuuno, though she wasn't very confident when she made this promise.

Having time to think to herself, Nanoha realized just how difficult it was going to be to do this. Her love for Fate was stronger than any she's ever known. But Yuuno, he was still her husband, so she wanted to do this gently, however she couldn't figure out exactly how to do that. _What am I going to do?_

Whether she was ready or not was irrelevant now, as she was parked outside their home. Nanoha gathered her resolve as she exited the car, entered the complex, and made her way toward their condo. She had to be strong, and determined, she had to keep her resolve solid.

Going up the elevator, and then walking down the hall, Nanoha got nervous. She started to think about how exactly she should bring the topic up with Yuuno. She couldn't just causally mention it over dinner, and its not like she could just outright say it at any moment. 'Yuuno, I'm sorry, but I'm in love with someone else, so I want to get a divorce.' She couldn't possibly say that so easily.

She was outside the door now, calmly looking at it, but not entering. She took in a deep breath. _I can do this, I have to do this._ Indeed, this was something she had to do, for Fate's sake, for her own, and even for Yuuno's. She reached for the knob, thinking. _Alright! Alright. Alright..._ As she nearly touched the knob, she felt a little of her determination wavering. And at that same time, Yuuno opened the door.

"Ah Nanoha, you're home."

"Y-Yuuno-kun." She hadn't expected this, so her heart wasn't ready. She stood there, staring at home, like a crazy person.

"Aren't you going to come in?" Feeling completely stupid, Nanoha let out an embarrassed laugh and followed her husband inside.

Dinner had been made for them, but it was just something really simple, since Yuuno couldn't cook well. She ignored that, she wasn't feeling hungry, though it did feel like there was a black pit in her stomach.

Nanoha, looking at Yuuno's back, not knowing what else to do, finally said the thing she was dreading. "Yuuno-kun, we have to talk." He turned his head at her, noticing the seriousness in her eyes, and so he became serious as well.

"Okay, I guess I have something to tell you as well." She was a little shocked, and unprepared for that as well. _What does he want to tell me? _She wondered if maybe, through some kind of devil's luck, Yuuno had been cheating on her as well, and now was coming clean. But it was unlikely, he may have been a little detached lately, but Nanoha knew he wasn't that kind of person.

The two of them sat down on their expensive looking couch. Nanoha was in no hurry to tell him what she was thinking, but it looked like the opposite was true for Yuuno, who had a wide smile on his face.

"Nanoha, I know I haven't been around very much. I'm always leaving you alone, so you must be getting lonely, that's why I have some good news: I'm taking a break from work! Now we'll be able to spend some quality time together." Nanoha was left speechless. This was the last thing she wanted to hear, right now she honestly had hoped that he was with another woman, it would have been less painful this way. But now, what was she supposed to do? "Nanoha?" She smiled warmly at him, temporarily forgetting her own thoughts.

"T-That's great, honey." She looked into his eyes, seeing the joy in them. Nanoha understood something now. She was lonely, but she wasn't the only one, Yuuno was lonely as well. That made her feel terrible, she felt like a complete monster.

She truly loved Fate more than anything, her feelings for the blond surpassed the ones that she had for this man. However, looking into Yuuno's eyes, it made Nanoha realize that the way he felt about her was exactly the same as how she felt for Fate. That made her feel horrible, and guilty, more so than any time before. She was in love with someone else, and now she had to break this person's heart, even though he worked himself to death for her.

Nanoha... couldn't do it. When looking into Yuuno's eyes, all of her resolve fell apart. When he hugged her, she reciprocated it. They kissed, and to Nanoha, it felt like the end of the world. _I'm the worst..._

She was going to tell Yuuno the truth, she knew that she would, she knew that she had to. But as she kissed him, she knew that it couldn't be right now. And so, Nanoha realized that she had lied to Fate, and to Yuuno, the lies were starting to pile up now. She felt like the worst person ever.

She was going to be with Fate, she wanted to, so it was inevitable that things with Yuuno would have to end. But for right now, she would give him her body, one last time, she would lie this one last time. Then, once she was prepared, she would face her sins, and accept the consequences. So for right now...

_Forgive me, Fate-chan..._

_

* * *

__A/A/N: __The first person bit that appeared at the start of the chapter was unintended, and I wrote it like that without thinking. Though looking back on it, I think it works kind of well in there, but it wont happen again :). Anyway thanks for reading.  
_


	4. Confrontation

_A/N: Don't really, even though it says final chapter, there is still the epilogue to write. All in all, I don't think I finished this story as strongly as I started it, so its a bit disheartening. Regardless, I'm sure many will enjoy it, and that's all that matters. Also, like many of my stories, you'll find this chapter rather fast paced, that's just how I roll, I guess. Please enjoy..._

_- Kode-Dekka  
_

* * *

Kioku

Final Chapter: Confrontation

* * *

Nanoha felt like a fool when she met Fate outside their work building the next morning. The golden-haired beauty was visibly angry with her, even more so when she couldn't even look her in the eyes.

"Nanoha, you didn't do it, did you?"

"I'm sorry, Fate-chan..." Nanoha nearly flinched when she saw Fate narrow her eyes. "You don't understand. He's the person I married, I can't just throw this in his face all of a sudden." Fate sighed, leaning back against the wall, taking in the chilling air.

"I know, I'm sorry. I should be more considerate of his feelings, but..." Nanoha grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"You two never did like each other very much." She said with a smile. "Don't worry, I haven't changed my mind, you're the one I want to be with, Fate-chan." Fate's cheeks flushed, and she managed a smile.

"Sorry for being so stupid. I don't care how long it takes, I'll wait forever, if that's what you need." They both leaned in at the same time, and kissed, not knowing that they were being watched by a chocolate-haired woman.

"My my." They pulled apart right away and looked at the culprit, finding Hayate smirking that them. "Isn't it a little early in the morning for this?" The two of them let out sighs of relief, restarting their hearts.

"Don't scare us like that, Hayate-chan." Nanoha said, completely forgetting something very important.

"I thought it would be fun to watch such a beautiful story of adultery unfold." Nanoha's eyes went wide when she realized that Hayate was aware of her marital status. "Oh my, look at you Nanoha-chan." Hayate laughed it off, waving her hand in front of her dismissively. "Don't worry, I wont judge you on this; love isn't something that we can help, so it would be wrong of me to fault you for loving someone other than your husband. However, you should know that these kinds of stories don't usually end very happily."

Fate sighed again, shaking her head. "What exactly do you want? Are you just trying to mess with us." Hayate shook her head.

"Just giving you a warning, as your friend. I don't care what you do in your private life, but you should be mindful of the consequences of your actions, that's all."

Nanoha pointed her gaze away, feeling guilty all over again. She didn't need to be reminded of this, at least not by her boss.

"I get it, Hayate-chan. Thank you for your concern." Hayate gave her a smile, her eyes looked like they were saying 'honestly, what am I going to do with you?'.

"Well, as long as you understand. Now, how about we get to work."

Nanoha and Fate nodded, and the three of them entered the building. Eventually they had to part, but Hayate stopped them, wanting to give them one more piece of advice. "I thought I should just say this, just to be sure. Please, if you would, refrain from making passes at each other while you're working." They faces became cherry red, and Hayate chuckled. "Bye." She ran off toward her office, leaving the two red-faced women alone.

* * *

After work, they went back to Fate's apartment. This time, Nanoha left messaged Yuuno, saying she might be late coming home. But that was a lie, she probably wouldn't return until morning, maybe not at all.

When they got inside Fate's apartment, the two could barely contain themselves. They ravaged each other before even closing the door, and ended up on the floor soon after. Of course, the door was still open, so embarrassed, they finally managed to properly close it. They then moved toward the couch where things first happened. Again, they went at each other like animals.

Only when the first moan came, did Nanoha finally push Fate away. "W-Wait, Fate-chan."

"What is it Nanoha?" Nanoha's eyes latched onto Fate's.

"I don't think this is right. Um.. before we do this, I think its only right to tell Yuuno about us first after all." Fate sighed, exasperated.

"And when will that be? A week? A month?" Nanoha frowned, realizing that she was only making things worse with her suggestion.

"I'm sorry Fate-chan, I really will do it soon."

"I know, I just... I want to be with you as soon as possible."

Nanoha cupped Fate's face in her hands, smiling brightly. "I know, thank you for being so patient with someone like me, I love you." The blond's face lit up bright red. Her eyes shifted about, she had an idea.

"Nanoha, don't get mad, but I have a suggestion."

"Hm?"

"If you're having trouble by yourself, then... When you break up with Yuuno, I want to be there with you." Nanoha stared deep into her eyes. She knew then, Fate wasn't saying that because she wanted to see Yuuno in pain, but because she wanted to protect her, just in case something happened.

Nanoha's heart felt warm. Finally, she was able to find something in there that she thought she lost, her resolve. "Okay, if I have you with me, I can do it. Fate-chan, if you support me, then tomorrow, for sure..."

They embraced, savoring the feeling of their skin against each other. That night, they didn't make love, at Nanoha's request, but instead just laid there, holding each other.

* * *

Nanoha and Fate stood outside the complex where the former lived. They held hands, standing out in the cold, preparing their hearts for the sin that they were about to commit, breaking up a marriage. Nanoha took in a deep breath, and slowly exhaled, a cloud of white puffed out in front of her face and disappeared.

"You ready?" Fate asked, squeezing her hand.

"Yes." Was all Nanoha said. She squeezed back, and the two of them entered the building.

As they went up in the elevator, a thousand thoughts went through Nanoha's mind. _What will he think? Will he be angry? Will he hate me? _She was overly worried about that last thought. Even if Yuuno was angry with her, or their friendship became strained, she didn't want to be hated by him.

Fate, feeling Nanoha unease, squeezed her hand again. "Its okay, I'm with you, Nanoha." Blue eyes connected with red, and the nervous woman nodded.

"Thank you, Fate-chan."

The elevator stopped, they reached their destination. From this point on, the two broke away from each other and stopped holding hands. They didn't want to surprise Yuuno at the door, so it was for the best.

The walked down the hall, not saying anything, silently contemplating in their minds what was about to happen.

When they reached the door, both gulped and took in a breath. Nanoha took out her key, put it in the lock, turned it, and grabbed the handle. "Here we go..." She twisted it, and pushed the door open. As they entered, they noticed a silence, there was absolutely no sound in the room.

Yuuno was sitting on the couch, looking up at them. His eyes were strange, as if he'd been expecting them for a long time. He smiled and waved at them, welcoming Nanoha home.

"Long time no see, Yuuno." Fate said, doing her best to smile at him. They took off their shoes, and joined Yuuno on the couch, though Fate sat in the love seat across from them.

The silence in the room was horrible, and quite frightening to the two friends. "So this is it." Yuuno said suddenly, flickering his eyes between the two women. "I had my suspicions, but I was really hoping that this wasn't the case." They realized it, he already knew. Nanoha decided not to let this moment go to waste.

"I'm sorry Yuuno-kun, I'm in love with Fate-chan, I want to be with her." He nodded. His behavior was strange, he was just too calm about it.

"I don't like this." Fate said, addressing him. "Why are you acting like this? Why aren't you more angry? Your wife was cheating on you, and doesn't want to be with you anymore. In the first place, how did you know?" Yuuno sighed, smiling, though anyone would be able to clearly see that he was hurting.

"About a year and a half ago, I heard Nanoha mumbling in her sleep. Over and over, calling out your name, Fate." He ran his hand through his long hair. "I couldn't be sure, I thought maybe she was just having a nice dream. However, over time, lets just say that she started mumbling other things as well, stuff I'm not really comfortable repeating." Their faces flushed red.

"I'm sorry, Yuuno-kun." Nanoha said, apologizing again. "I really do love you, but..."

"I know, but it can't really be helped, now can it?"

This whole exchange wasn't going well for Fate, she was kind of angry that Yuuno wasn't putting up more of a fight. "Is this all she means to you? Why the hell are you giving up so damn easy?" She hadn't meant to say it, and she regretted it the moment she saw Yuuno's eyes.

"What the hell am I supposed to do then!" For the first time, maybe ever in his life, he yelled at someone angrily. "I've done everything I could, I even tried to get time off, so that we could spend more time together. But what do you expect me to say now, when all this time, she's only been looking at you?" By now, Yuuno had finally broken into tears. "I love her, more than I've ever loved anyone. However, I wont selfishly cage Nanoha up, if she can't be mine, then that's the way it is, I just have to accept it."

Nanoha herself was crying now. She was sobbing heavily, throwing out one 'I'm sorry' after another. Fate and Yuuno looked at each other fiercely. The blond then sighed, her eyes becoming softer. She got up from the love seat, took a step toward Yuuno, and wrapped her arms around his head, pulling him into her chest, surprising everyone, Nanoha the most.

"I'm sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I didn't mean for this to happen, I'm sorry, Yuuno. I know that we never really liked each other, but that doesn't mean I want to see you like this, so forgive me, for being so selfish." Some more tears slipped down Yuuno's face, but he didn't make a sound, and just let Fate hold him.

This moment lasted for several minutes, before Fate finally let go, and knocked Yuuno lightly on the head. "I shouldn't be saying this, but if you're a man, then pull yourself together, okay? If you don't, then I wont have any idea what to do." Yuuno felt the top of his head, and then nodded.

"Thank you, I'm fine now."

"Yuuno-kun..." Nanoha said, still crying. "I-I..." He touched his finger to her lips, and shook his head.

"Its okay, you don't have to say anything else. I just want you to be happy, even if that happiness doesn't lie with me." Nanoha nodded, wiping away her tears.

"I love you. That's why, lets end this, Yuuno-kun." A final tear slipped down Yuuno's face as he nodded his head.

Fate smiled, even wiping at her own eyes for a moment. "I'll wait outside, you have a lot to talk about." She turned her back to them, before they could say anything else.

"Take care of her, Fate." She heard Yuuno say as she walked, but she didn't turn around, and left the home quietly, closing the door behind her. Fate sat down, holding her knees up to her chest, burying her face in them. She recalled what Yuuno said, and pulled her knees closer. _I promise I'll always take care of her, so forgive me, Yuuno._ She didn't think anymore, and wept for Yuuno silently, not making a single sound.

* * *

_A/N: Can you say dissatisfying? I sure can, so I'm sorry! I'm rather terrible at ending sad stories on a high note, so forgive this..._


	5. Happiness

_A/N: Hello again, time for me to close off this story. For those disappointed with the ending, sorry. The original ending I had in mind was a little sad, so I gave myself an author filibuster, and opted for a good one instead. Anyway, from now on, I promise to end a story the way it should end, regardless of my personal feelings on the matter. For now, lets get this over with, and move on to the next world..._

_- Kode-Dekka  
_

* * *

Kioku

Epilogue: Happiness

* * *

Nanoha emerged from the room several hours later, finding Fate sleeping against the wall. The woman smiled down at her girlfriend, the sadness on her face being replaced by joy. Yuuno walked up behind her, touching her shoulder, and seeing what she saw.

"I guess we did take our time."

"Yes." Nanoha faced him, pulling his forehead against hers. "Thank you, Yuuno-kun, thank you for being so understanding, and thank you for giving me some of the best years of my life. We may not be together now, but I will always love you." He blushed a little.

"I feel the same way, Nanoha." Sighing he pulled back away from her. "Now, go on, you should wake her up and get going. We'll talk tomorrow about moving your things."

"Okay." The two of them hugged, and for the very last time, Nanoha kissed Yuuno. She stepped outside the condo, and Yuuno closed the door, separating them forever.

Nanoha knelt down to Fate's level, and poked her cheek.

"hmm..." The blond's eyes slowly opened, and she was greeted to the most beautiful sight she'd ever seen.

"Good morning, Fate-chan." Nanoha said, even though it was already the afternoon.

"Nanoha..." Without warning, Fate tackled her, wrapping her arms around the woman's neck. The two of them fell down, landing on one another. They kissed there, and let the kiss linger for a full minute before pulling away.

"Geez... at least warn me next time." They laughed, and pulled each up to their feet, since continuing in that hallway would be more than a little embarrassing. Holding hands, the they faced the door.

"Is it really over?" Nanoha nodded, squeezing her hand. "You don't have any regrets, do you?"

"Yes, many." She said, giving Fate a sad smile. "But, but now on we'll be together, so I wont have to regret anything else." Both of their faces became red, and they kissed again, a shorter one this time. Nanoha squeezed Fate's hand again. "Lets go home, Fate-chan."

_Home._ That word rung in Fate's head, bouncing all around. An emotion started to fill her up, one that she hadn't truly felt until this moment. And as the two of them walked away from Yuuno's home, and made their way back to their own, Fate finally understood what it was.

She... they were happy.

_The End  
_

_

* * *

For those who think this ended too soon, I may just write a second epilogue, a real one this time lol. I also might actually bring myself to write the alternate ending, if I feel like it...  
_


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